What is going on? Why is it that so many people can´t stand the idea of being committed to someone else?

Apparently humanity is under some kind of attack, some kind of allergy to intimacy. The behavior is common among men and is growing fast when it comes to women. Compromise, necessary for relationships to work, has been seen as something terrifying, boring and, for many, even unbearable.

According to a research which I have been doing on a website called ´Mudança de Hábito´ (in English, change of habits), most people are currently after someone who is interesting enough to date (27%); some are after a long last relationship (50%); while 17% are only after a lovely romance and 6% want to date several people. These statistics show that some of us are still keen to build a lasting relationship.

But wait, there is a contradiction there.  The numbers also show that many of those who are after someone special, can´t actually find the other half. The goal is clear, but the ability to do so isn´t that great. For a long time the correct order of factors was to meet someone, get married and have children, and the ones who couldn´t follow the rules were subject to discrimination.

Now, with much more freedom, no one is obliged to have his/her life controlled by others and, for that reason, being committed to someone has become an option instead of something compulsory.

Sex is broadly available and women have become very picky when it comes to men. It isn´t as if they have to accept everything and anything from their partners. They want much more than what they were used to have a century ago or so (and they´re correct, but it simply makes things much more difficult, also).

World is more pragmatic and people throw away what isn´t useful, what isn´t just the way they expect it to be. It is all black and white. If it isn´t, well, goodbye. But with so much objectiveness and a frozen heart, how open are we to find Love? Love needs some time to grow and sahow itself. It must be cultivated with time, caring and patience.

By classifying people according to a rigid point of view, there´s no time for evolution nor changes. There´s no space for imperfections, apologies or transformation. You may not like a determined characteristic in someone, but that doesn´t mean the other attitudes aren´t good enough for you, to complete you.

After all, no one´s perfect. Not even relationships. The good thing is, not all is lost, for I have seen people who are more mature and who are keen to find love and deal with it, without so much fear of the cumplicity.