Don’t think that you’re the only one to suffer with the thousands of questions your girlfriend asks each time you say that you’re going out for a spin with the guys. Jealousy is the most common feeling in human relations. It is as natural as anger. When there is love, jealousy is almost always close by.

Have you ever stopped to think of the cause of jealousy? Or why it exists in your relationship more intensely, even if you think you are staying in bounds? Jealousy is a feeling that we can all have, at any time of life. It occurs between adults and also among children. But if it is difficult for adults to understand their feelings, imagine the trouble children have.

When seen as a disease, the degree of jealousy is analyzed. There is a tenuous line between the causes of jealousy. It may simply be triggered by low self-esteem, or it may be a pathological jealousy or an obsession for the person loved that is not corresponded.

Freud maintained that jealousy is part of human nature and begins at childhood, with its center at the Oedipal Complex, in which a boy feels jealousy of his mother’s relationship with his father. For other authors, jealousy is caused by fear, disguised as love and may even be the fruit of narcissistic relations in infancy.

Jealousy and true love, however, can go together. Siblings can be jealous of each other and at the same time love each other. It is common for parents to tell of their own childhood experiences and recall how they felt in relation to siblings and affection from their parents. The psychological explanation for jealousy can be a persistance of infantile psychological mechanisms, such as attachment to parents.

Unrequited love is what usually triggers jealousy. Even in childhood, love is always the factor that causes jealousy. Even if momentary, it can have real damage for a couple or the people involved. Since hate and love go together, crimes related to jealousy are very common, even if the jealousy is baseless and generated by negative and paranoid fantasies.  It can start with a poor sense of self, emotional immaturity or fear of abandonment, of loneliness, of loss of control. Explosions of anger, violence and hostility are the result of pathological jealousy, and brutally damage a relationship. When it reaches this degree it must be questioned if the jealousy is only a sense of insecurity or if it is a pathology. A couple with an emotional past of betrayal or rejection is vulnerable to constant jealousy.

It is common in a relationship for one of the partners to fear there is cheating and look for proof. The person enters a tireless search for unknown telephone numbers, suspect notes, cell phone agendas. Any evidence that demonstrates that the person loved is deviating attention to another person. A cry can be a relief, but it is an insignificant act in relation to the outbreaks caused by jealousy. To recognize jealousy and deal with it internally is the first step. People with a tendency towards jealousy, with fear of being abandoned, unconsciously drive off their partners, repeating their personal history and the internal conflict with this feeling.


Pathological jealousy

Pathological jealousy is a type of paranoia, a disturbance characterized by fantasies of persecution. Normally those with pathological jealousy like to make surprise visits or telephone calls, to home or work. They open letters, spy on computers, listen to telephone calls, examine bags, follow their partners or hire someone to do so. While this attempt to clarify one’s suspicions may even be recognized as ridiculous by the jealous person, it does not mitigate the terrible feeling of doubt, it even intensifies it.

The partner lives on the edge, often feigning praises and omitting facts that would be irrelevant in a healthy relationship, but that are highly disturbing to a partner who suffers pathological jealousy. The pathologically jealous always question the love of the their partner and their fear of loss is constant.  Healthy love is not dominated by fear, the love is not questioned. Pathological jealousy can even motivate homicide. Dominated by hate, the jealous person may kill not only the partner, but also a child and the person related to the fantasies created by jealousy.

Much more emphasis has always been given to feminine fidelity than that of men. While women were always criticized for infidelity, men often boasted of their unfaithfulness. Today, with the recognized prevalence of diseases caused by stress, such as depression, jealousy is a concern and not only a sign of love and caring. The cases of homicide and violence were practically limited to men. Today  women also enter the statistics of crimes of “passion.”

This is an important problem, because the jealous person suffers too much, and their nervous system becomes imbalanced, increasing adrenaline, interfering in the neurotransmitters that may trigger psychosomatic diseases, or other conditions such as obesity caused by anxiety and insecurity. People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a tendency towards schizophrenia deserve special attention.  A person with pathological jealousy may have various mental illnesses, such as obsessive ideas and deliriums about infidelity. The pathologically jealous may have a strong desire to have total control over the feelings and behavior of their partner. Concerns with previous relationships become repetitive and excessive. There is always an anticipated concern about cheating or abandonment.

Anxiety, anger, shame, insecurity, humiliation, guilt, increased sexual desire, and or revenge are some emotions felt by a person who is pathologically ill, leaving the jealous person sensitive and vulnerable to distort and not trust any type of information seen as a warning. An evaluation of the rationality of these feelings, as well as the degree of prejudice, should be conducted by specialists with pathology charts. After all, many of these concerns about fidelity are not absurd and are often quite understandable.

People with drinking problems are the most susceptible to jealousy. Alcoholics often suffer from delirium and fantasies of cheating. Sexual impotence caused by alcoholism is an important factor in the development of ideas of infidelity, related to feelings of inferiority and rejection. Women who go through stages of less sexual interest, as in pregnancy and menopause, reduce their self-esteem and increase insecurity and the occurrence of pathological jealousy.

Jealousy as a feeling

Since it is a common feeling, jealousy can be considered banal and childish, which aggravates the disease and compromises the normal functioning of an individual’s emotional immune system. It is logical to say that only someone who trusts oneself can trust others.
If you have any doubts about the type of jealousy from which your partner suffers, begin to realize when and how the jealousy arises. If you are the jealous one, examine your reaction to the jealousy. By doing this, you can gradually avoid exaggerated reactions. By observing yourself you can learn to discern between imagination and reality.

Moderate and occasional jealousy reminds a couple that one should not consider the other as definitively conquered. This is the positive side of the feeling: it protects the love. It makes each partner feel cherished by encouraging couples to mutually appreciate each other. To the degree that jealousy enhances the emotions, it causes the love to strengthen and sex to be more passionate. In limited doses, jealousy can be a stimulus to a relationship.

Stop interpreting jealousy as a drama and express it in a natural manner, or that is, as an emotional and very important form of suffering. Try to recognize that the pain caused by your partner’s excessive jealousy can be helpful, after all, sincerity can assist in understanding. To want to control a person will certainly scare them off. Remember that each case is unique. Consider each person’s emotional history and traumas from previous romantic relationships  or from parents and siblings. It is important to not hide or isolate the cause of jealousy. This can help people who may even have their professional life affected, in addition to the life of the couple, their leisure time and principally their social life. Its best to seek help to improve your self-esteem, build confidence in oneself and to face reality.

So avoid guilt or feeling like a victim. Look for the causes of jealousy in your relationship. Many times it is in experiences that were not resolved in the past that shadow your thoughts. Remember that each person has their own emotional baggage, fears and experiences. It is essential to respect this in each individual.

References:
http://pt.wikipedia.org/
http://www.redepsi.com.br/
http://gballone.sites.uol.com.br/