What if she were with another woman?
credits: Pixabay

What if she were with another woman?

An experienced man, married for 10 years, a father of two boys, arrives in my clinic after feeling his wife cold and distant, with the bombastic news: she was having an affair.

Not with another man, but with a woman.

The feeling described by him was dubious: he was trying to decide if that was or wasn’t cheating and if, with that, they could remain together.

On one hand, being defeated by another man, he said, could be the worst option. But being deprecated by someone who doesn’t have a penis causes perplexity.

He was terrified. What to do? How to react?


A study carried out in Texas, USA, proved something notorious way before delivering any scientific conclusion: men accept a cheating better if the “other” is a woman.

The data collection, published in “Personality and Individual Differences”, revealed that 50% of the people researched would be willing to forgive a homosexual cheating, while only 22% would consider doing the same if the third person were a man.

The answer to that research may be on the fact that, among women, demonstrations of affection are socially more accepted than among men. Women are allowed, since they are little, to touch, kiss, cuddle and follow their friends to the bathroom.

Female homosexuality is, inclusively, declared by most men as part of their erotic fantasy of observing two women having sex.

For Jaime Confer, a psychologist who is the author of the aforementioned research, men tend to see their partner’s relationship with another man as cheating because this third man is a rival capable of calling their virility into question.

On the other hand, the relationship between two women feeds the fantasy of being able to, who knows, “having sex with both at the same time”, and therefore that’s not usually seen as infidelity.

According to the researcher’s conclusion, when a man is exchanged by a woman his tendency is not seeing this as cheating, since his virility has not been questioned nor compared.


Therefore, by testifying my patient’s suffering due to his thoughts, I would say that even though these cases don’t involved “penis exchange”, there’s something somewhat fragile about this relationship.

What would your wife/girlfriend be looking for on someone else?

For anthropologist Mirian Goldenberg, what many heterosexual women search in a homosexual relationship is partnership and friendship. Not sex, as many men fantasize, but companionship.

And that, dear hombre, is the maximum representation that you need to pay attention to your relationship and reflect about what may be missing in it.

My patient needed his wife to feel attracted by the promise of a relationship with another woman in order to understand that a penis means nothing if it doesn’t carry the bonus of attention, caring and partnership with it.


El Hombre

Patrícia Vaz

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